rogerrr

limetime movies are not good, plain and simple, but I feel like i should let you know that i’m watching one about christmas as i type this.

whydoihaveablog:

I’m actually becoming really resentful that there are several people within my family that do nothing with their lives and still receive praise. “(redacted) has been doing good lately.”

REALLY? YEAH? WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY GOOD? YOU MEAN HE’S NO LONGER 24, WITHOUT A JOB FOR THE PAST 4 YEARS AND HAS NOT GONE TO SCHOOL SINCE HE WAS 16? OH, HE GOT ANOTHER CAR FROM YOU FOR FREE? OH, YOU’RE GIVING HIM MORE GAS MONEY? OH, OH, OH, WHAT’S THIS? OH, YOU BOUGHT HIM A GIANT FUCKING MAC COMPUTER.

I HAVE TO PAY $250 FOR A MATH BOOK NEXT SEMESTER.

And then in this fantasy where I shout this at my entire family, I throw a family photo album across the room where it hits the wall and lands open-faced with a giant picture of me in the future where I’m diving into a money pool like a Scrooge McDuck and my family is outside, in the snow, with tattered clothing and dirt smeared all over their face. “Please, Caragh, let us in” They speak collectively, in a chorus.

“I don’t want you to dirty my money, you filth.” I dive deep within my 1000 dollar bills the US Government has printed specifically for me.

“But we only need a dollar to pay for our a new apartment. If we don’t get it now, we will die cold and lonely,” a single tear runs down each of their left cheeks as they all speak in unison.

“Never,” I will reply, as I poke my head out from the currency around me.

“But we’re family!” Two have died since their last sentence.

“Money is my family now,” I say haughtily after I spit out a stream of gold coins I found caught in my mouth from the dive.

i’d be willing to bet i could make a decent living just doing dramatic readings of caragh’s posts.

don’t mind me, i’ll just be over here, dreamin’ big.

whydoihaveablog:

Gas - $14.00

Ice scraper for my car since I threw out my last one once winter was over because, I DON’T KNOW, I thought since winter was over then it would never be winter again and it was a lot easier than putting it in my glove box? - $3.00

Eyeball prescription because I got conjunctivitis - $15.00

Mandatory dinner with the people from my company, where the next youngest person was 20 years older than me, and I couldn’t even get a cocktail because of my budget that I hate with all of my heart - $16

$2 to last me 6 days. This is going to be so fun. I’m going to do so many things like stay at home, stay at home and use the computer, stay at home and watch tv, stay at home and read, stay at home and drink all the liquor we have in the house, stay at home and take recreational showers, which is my code word for “crying in the shower because you can pretend you’re not crying because tears are the same color as water.”

this is too fucking good