Yesterday I was walking to my gym on Clark Street, near my house. As I crossed the street, I saw this manic woman in an SUV swerve up into the tow zone and turn her flashers on. She got out of the car quickly and slammed her door.
“Whoa,” one would think. “This woman must be in a hurry to get somewhere important. Somewhere so important that it’s worth risking a $100 parking ticket/and or the expense of being towed.”
This dumb bitch was getting popcorn. Popcorn.
I never had a big problem with popcorn as a food until the recession in 2009. Popcorn shops seem to be recession-proof and I think this is the dumbest fact about America.
Every time I have to take the train to the burbs to visit my parents, I am seated on the Metra and at least 20% of the passengers are eating Garrett’s Popcorn. Hillbillies. Every one of them.
Maybe it’s a Chicago thing, but there are SO MANY popcorn shops in this city. Popcorn.
What the fuck is wrong with people? Popcorn is like, one of the most boring foods. I don’t know this for a fact, but it seems like the Indians got pretty sick of all the maize they were eating so they were like, “Let’s try popping these dried seeds,” and it worked and they got over their corn blahs for a hot minute but in the end, it was still just corn. Popcorn was born of necessity, not luxury. Don’t get towed over it.
Listen, if someone’s eating popcorn around me, I will take one handful. I’ll eat it and it’ll register a 5 out of 10 on my satisfaction scale. But to visit a store that solely sells popcorn? Popcorn sucks!!!!!!!
This has been a post.
“Popcorn shops seem to be recession-proof and I think this is the stupidest fact about America.”
This may just be the nyquil talking but I couldn’t breathe while reading this, it’s so funny.
